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Brazzers.com

Brazzers might just be the most widely recognized name in pornography today. Even if you’re just a casual porn watcher (we know you’re not, ya fuckin perv), you’ve likely heard of Brazzers. They are notorious for providing some of the highest quality content, sexiest porn stars, and well-executed extended scenes. It also probably doesn’t hurt that they seem to have ad space on nearly every free porn site on the web.

Brazzers got its start in 2005 by a group of investors in Montreal, and has since become a subsidiary of the conglomerate, Mindgeek, putting them alongside other giants of the adult video world, Pornhub and Redtube. Brazzers has built quite the reputation for themselves, winning multiple AVN (Adult Video News) awards every year since 2009. Among their many accolades are Best Adult Website, Best New Video Production Company, Best Big Bust (Big Tits at School), Best Membership Website, and Best Art Direction (Storm Kings). You would be hard pressed to find a more consistently top-notch membership network out there today.

I have always been curious to see for myself what all the hype was about, so I finally decided to subscribe. There are many things Brazzers is doing right, and a few things that I would expect such a high-profile paid porn site to be much better at. So, without further ado, let’s get into it.

Can a Porn Site Give you Blue Balls?

There is a palpable feeling of excitement upon logging into a new paid porn site for the first time, especially one with a reputation like Brazzers’. However, as soon as I enter my username and password, and complete the stupid little recaptcha test (which images contain buses? I don’t fucking know, Brazzers; which images contain tight pussies? Can you tell me that?), I’m redirected to a portal site instead of the Brazzers home page.

Immediately they are trying to sell me more shit—bundle packages with other studios like Reality Kings, Mofos, and Digital Playground—and there is a confusing list of generic category-based channels to choose from. There is the Latina Channel, the Teens Channel, the Milfs Channel. Confused and quickly losing hardness, I click on the Teens Channel, thinking maybe that’s just how Brazzers organizes their content.

Not quite. Instead of taking me to all of the sexy teen videos Brazzers has to offer, they’re already trying to sell me something else. They actually expect me to pay $60 more to unlock this channel. Are you fucking kidding me? I just signed up for a yearlong subscription at $10 a month, that’s $120, and you already want more of my money? Christ on a cracker, calm down, you greedy fucks.

After clicking through a couple more of these bullshit channels, I finally notice the small menu bar at the top of the site. In addition to “Channels,” there is a dropdown menu for “Sites,” which are also all locked and require additional payment to be viewed. Eventually I hover my mouse over “Networks.” Completely flaccid by this point, there it is, in another dropdown menu, a link for Brazzers.

Okay, cool, now I’ll be able to find some awesome videos and fap uninterrupted. Or so I thought. Although I was pleased to have successfully hunted down and located the official Brazzers site and all its content, there are still more bundle ads! For the price I’m paying, I should at least be able to watch my porn in peace, don’t you think? Awful first impression, Brazzers. Step your fucking game up.